Interview with Trevor (Week 5)

This intereview took place at the end of September. I was about 5 weeks along and the only people who knew were Travis and Lindsey.  I've been asking him baby questions as a way to mentally prepare him and get his thoughts down on paper. He loves it (not) but he tolerates it for the sake of our child. Trevor's words are in black, mine in red.

Beth asking Trevor:

How has pregnancy been so far from?  When are you going to answer questions? Ugh. So far there hasn’t been any change

What are you most excited about? Telling friends. Like who? Kim and Thomas. Zach. I’m also excited to tell my parents. What do you think they will say? I don’t know, that they are excited

What are you most nervous about? Ugh Having a baby. The actual labor process? No not worried about that at all, except still living at the end (Side note from Beth, he seems to think I'm going to be angry at him during the birth process)

What’s one characteristic that you want to pass on to our future child? Love of life, adventurism

Trevor asking Beth

On a scale of 1-10 how good of a husband am I being right now? You’re definitely a ten.

Why? Because you let me take naps, you rub my back, and you buy me ice cream.

What family genetics would you not like to pass on? Cavities, fat feet, bad eyesight

Beginning of Baby

Disclaimer: this post contains words such as boobs, and 'try'

Trevor and I had been talking about when we wanted kids for a few months. I decided I didn’t want to miss a bunch of the school year so a summer baby would allow us to “ease” into parenthood before our busy schools schedules started again. We calculated that we could try in Aug, Sept, and October. We decided if it didn’t happen in those 3 months we would just wait a while and rethink things. We sort-of hit or miss tried in August and I was convinced we didn’t hit the right days.  I felt sort of crampy a week before my period was supposed to start and I thought it was unusual.  I also got really light headed in Walmart.  I noticed that my taste (not smell) was super strong.  Nothing was good or bad just really powerful. 

Travis was coming to spend the weekend and I knew going out would be on the agenda. I was about 4 days late and still didn’t really think I was pregnant but took a test anyway to see if I could drink over the weekend.  It IMMEDIATELY turned into a plus sign.  I ran it over to Trevor who calmly told me to wait the two minutes then look at it. It still looked like a bright plus sign.  Trevor thought the cross line looked silver and not blue and didn’t believe it. He told me to wait 3-4 days and test again.  WHAT?!? Yah right. So we went and bought a digital test that says either yes or no. I took it about 10:30 pm and it IMMEDIATEY buzzed and read yes+.  No denying it now. I had felt fine up to this point, other than some sore boobs.  Since Travis was there, naturally he knew what was going on, and we told him he couldn’t tell anyone. 

I have a good excuse.

So, for all 7 people that read this blog. Sorry for my absence. I've been really busy. Taking naps, trying not to throw up, drinking gallons of water and no coffee.  I've had literally nothing to say except one thing, and I couldn't say it. I've been really busy taking Master's classes, teaching 4th grade, traveling around, and growing a placenta. Yep, you read that right. Baby Howard will be here in May.  Now for the close up...

Yep, that's one lime-sized baby, a couple of legs, a hand by the face, and a healthy umbilical cord. Technology amazes me.  Now that I've introduced the reason behind my absence, here's to more frequent updates.

the joys of teaching

the joys of teaching are many...

This one speaks for itself.

Sorry if this is offensive. Welcome to 4th grade. Peeing fish. Embarrassing detail. A cross between human anatomy and marine biology.

It never gets old folks.

Perspective

After our difficult weekend, it's Homecoming week at school.

I'm always in a funk after I don't have a normal weekend.  It's like I'm running on half a battery.  This week it feels like less.

I am still very much thinking about the funeral, the loss, the circumstances, the family.  It gives me less tolerance for the goofy stuff of this week.  The persepective I have during this moment isn't very forgiving of crazy 4th graders who are wearing sunglasses, hats, and hair dye.

I'm trying to embrace the lighter side of life. Hopefully I get better at this as the week goes on.

I'm not sure what to title this post.
1. My weekend in Denver
2. What I now understand about Funerals
3. Funerals are a hard, but necessary part of life
4. Friends passing away at young ages sucks

Pick whichever one you like.

This weekend I took my first ever bereavement day.  As much as I love a three day weekend, I would have given this one back in a heartbeat.  Last Sunday, a friend of mine and Trevor's had a tragic accident in Colorado which resulted in him leaving earth too young.  He left a mom and dad, two brothers and a sister.

Let me start by saying that until this point, I could count the funerals I've attended on one hand. I've been very fortunate to have healthy friends and family, something I do not take for granted.

Several things about this weekend have been constantly on my mind this week.  The strongest is probably trying to wrap my mind around how I would feel if it was my brother.  There are no words for this. No picture I can think of, no actions that I would do or not do. It seems unreal to think of my life without the parallel of my brother's life, although states away. To think of holidays, the birth of grandchildren, major family events without a key piece is like a nightmare.

I think this is the reason that Trevor and I flew to Colorado to attend this funeral, to support our friend. All the way I wondered why funerals were necessary. I kept telling Trevor that if the family is miserable, and the attendees are feeling awkward, and the person the funeral for is not around to see it, why do we have funerals? This weekend that question was answered in the form of parents and siblings sharing stories, memories, and hurts. The love they felt no one questioned, the pauses to gain composure everyone respected. As we walked through a receiving line, caravaned to a cemetary, and gathered for a meal; hearts didn't mend, but were sewn together. 

I won't question anymore why people gather for these events. I won't forget the feeling of being there. I won't forget the guy with the permanent smile, endless grace, quiet wit. 

taking the time

a text message from a close friend shook our house today.

a horrible accident. a life gone too soon. a brother and son that will be greatly missed.

a man of character, of few words, of a giant smile.

a guy who went to church with us. two years my elder, a quiet presence

today I talked to people from my youth group I haven't had contact with in years.

reunited over a common loss.


i told my brother I loved him.  he knows i'm a proud big sis.

i know he puts himself in harms way for our nation

i know his safety isn't guaranteed

i send him love and hugs thousands of miles away

thru a text message

he understands


i'm taking the time today to thank God for my brothers. all of them.